NoUptime

Slogan: Stealing Your money since 1969

With our 3 planes : I'm Poor, Take My Money, and Resell Our Crap we hope you will have all the downtime you will need, if not, please call us ! (0-800-fuck-off)

Server Downtime
Keeping you awake at night is our #1 priority.


Clusters and Scalability
If your websites go down we'll make sure to confuse
you with technical terms and instructions. It's our
job to keep you aggravated, and we never disappoint.
Reserve Now a host and recive for free a broken Toaster
We are constantly working to improve our server downtime.

GuestBook:
James Flinn: No Uptime used my credit card to buy porn magazines. This service is a sham!

Harry Kornes: Exceptional service for an exceptional price. My only complaint is that technical support told me to fuck off when I called them, but everything else has been great.

Hosting Plans:

I'm Poor 2$/month
- 200Kb of Storage
- 10Mb of Bandwidth
- PHP 4, 5 and 6
- MySQL, SQL, Oracle
- Dedicated Dedication
- Host Up To 6.8 Sites
- Free Identity Theft
- Crystal Globe for future uptime (please god not that !)

Take my money 20$/month
- Lots of Storage
- 10Kb of Bandwidth
- PHP 5, 6 and 7
- MySQL and ReiserFS
- 2 Glow Sticks
- Free Broken Toaster
- 24/8 Email Support

Resell our crap 200$/month
200Gb of Storage
- 10 Bytes of Path Bandwidth
- Ruby on Railroads
- Dedicated Support Geek
- Dedicated Win 3.11
- Steve Ballmer
- Ruby on Boats


Server Status
All Servers Are Down

Our technicians are currently working on permanently destroying the hardware.


Why Us and not others??
Redundant Hosting
Our Redundant Department of Redundancy has a Redundant Server Failover System that will initiate a failover hosting in case of unexpected server uptime.

AJAX Email
Our Web 2.0 Email Interface is open to all our clients and visitors. In the true spirit of Web 2.0, everyone is invited to read and edit your emails for the good of the general public.

24/8 Phone Support
Our phones are always on all 8 days of the week. Operators are standing by to put you on hold the minute you call.

LAMP Server
Our LAMP is powered by 30 halogen bulbs for extra bright lightening that will definitely hurt your eyes.

Linux Powered
Our Linux Free BSD systems are at the forefront of modern technology. By merging several distributions of Linux into one, we were able to create an operating system so complicated we don't even know how to use it ourselves.

Uploading Files
Don't like uploading your files via FTP? No problem! Send us your files on a floppy and we'll upload it for you. It's one of the many ways we do our best to accommodate your needs. Just remember, our floppy system does not accept Windows, Linux, or Mac floppies.

Trust Us
We are experts.


The #1 hosting service


LE: nu dati badrep doar pt ca nu stiti engleza

wtf is this? linux free bsd?
cred ca locul lui e la offtopic.

si eu care voiam sa iau un pachet de la 1and1.com

era bine sa fie si ceva commenturi la topurile alea. sa stim pe ce se bazeaza la "worst".

de ex, am avut ocazia sa lucrez cu 1and1... downtime nu am observat, insa webmailul lor e tare prost (au insa posibilitate redirect), uploadul mi-a mers cu max 50KB/s. In rest pretzuri mici, f mici in comparatie cu ce ofera. (download merge bine, in rds cu 350KB - mai mult nu pot eu, nu stiu cat poate 1and1). tot ma tenteaza sa iau un pachet de la ei. macar de test. plus ca ofera gratis 1 domeniu.com, si tot gratis adaugi un domeniu extern, sau mai multe (de ex, .ro). si ai hosting pt multe situri cu putini bani (la cat trafic si spatiu au, tii de voie 10 situri medi, nu de download)

Mesaj iniţiat de matrixismyname

am lucrat cu 1and1 si cu dreamhost daca cumperi domeniu (de la amandoua) te lasa sa le folosesti doar cu hostu lor, nu-ti dau posibilitate de move (sa schimbi ns-urile) in rest toate proaste

Pai da, asta am priceput si eu de pe site, insa oricum domeniile le am deja, si le-as folosi ca external domain. daca stii pt 1and1 alte probleme, pls tell. eu nu am observat. sau alt host (momentan folosesc fastweb)